


Where There's Smoke...

by tyoushiro



Series: Subconscious Desires [1]
Category: Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-20 07:06:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyoushiro/pseuds/tyoushiro
Summary: Taichi told Yamato that they were going to see a movie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as a standalone, but this is in the same universe as 'Faith and Trust' and 'The Parents.'

You're crazy.

It's the only reasonable explanation you can think of as to why you're standing in front of the language arts building a full twenty minutes after Taichi is supposed to have gotten out of class. A normal person would've left five minutes ago, but you?

You're crazy.

Other students walk by, casting odd glances in your direction. Most of them you avoid, but you glare at the few who dare to meet your gaze.

What's it to them that you're standing in front of the building, anyway? You could be meeting someone. You _are_ meeting someone.

A someone who is going to feel your wrath, if and when he ever shows up.

You cross your arms over your chest because you're irritated, but you're biting your lip and glancing around nervously because it's not like Taichi to stand you up.

Tease you? Yes.

Annoy you? Certainly.

Ignore you? Occasionally.

But to forget you? That's never happened before, and you'd like to think it's not happening now.

"Yamato-kun?"

You hear Sora's voice and turn your gaze towards her as she exits the language arts building. There's an awkward silence because you're never sure what you can say to her when it's just the two of you. She always looks at you with those sad eyes, the ones that tell you that she knows just how broken you are, no matter how you try to hide it.

It just makes you feel worse, and you want to run away badly, but you can't because you promised Taichi you'd wait…

"Inoue-sensei's lecturing Taichi for sleeping in class. He should be down soon."

"Sleeping? In class?" The words fall off your tongue slowly, because you don't want to believe that Taichi would do such a stupid thing when the two of you have _plans_ , but it sounds just like something Taichi would do.

He's frustrating like that.

You want to be angry with Taichi for being late, and you are, but you also know that you won’t be able to stay mad for long when Taichi finally shows up.

You’re frustrating like that.

Sora is staring at you expectantly, like you’re supposed to say ‘thank you’ or ask her how her day has been.

Only…. You're not happy that she's the one telling you why Taichi’s late, and you really don't care to make small talk pretending otherwise.

You can’t exactly say that you have somewhere else to be, either, because Sora knows you're waiting for Taichi. It's a vicious cycle, and your skin is starting to crawl from the way Sora is _still staring at you_.

“Oi! Yama!”

Thank. God.

Taichi is running through the door of the language arts building, and you’re so glad for the distraction that you don't even care that he's called you ‘Yama’ instead of by your full given name.

It doesn't mean that you're not still irritated, though.

“The fuck, Yagami?!”

"Aw, don't be like that." Taichi slows to a stop when he's in front of you, standing beside Sora but looking at you with that just-kicked-puppy expression that works every damned time. It's the one that makes you feel like a complete jerk, like you need to be put in a corner somewhere until you can learn to get along nicely with your friends…

You close your eyes and try to forget the memories associated with _that_ particular feeling, because if you think about them you're going to have a panic attack and you can't do that here.

Not at school. Not out in the open.

Not now.

Are you hyperventilating? Because you feel really dizzy all of a sudden, and your mouth feels kind of dry.

"Yamato-kun?"

Sora is asking you a question, but you don't know what it's about. Maybe she's just trying to get your attention, because right now you're staring at the ground. There's a crack in the pavement that cuts a jagged path that resembles lightning, or the way the glass in a picture frame cracks when Takeru accidentally knocks it from a shelf…

"Do you need to eat?" Taichi is asking, and his hand is on your back. "You look really pale…"

You try to take in a long, deep breath as casually as possible.

What you really want to do is hold on to Taichi for stability, but you can't do that with Sora standing just a few feet away.

Not when you're trying to pretend that you're okay.

"We'll see you later, Sora." Taichi says, and his hand moves from your back to your shoulder, and the added support makes it easier to breathe and stand without worrying that you're going to fall over. "Should we stop at the Seven-Eleven first?"

"But… the movie…?"

"We'll catch the later show." Taichi says as he takes one step towards the direction of the theater. The arm wrapped around your shoulder pulls you forward with him, and your knee bumps awkwardly into the side of Taichi's leg. "What should we eat? Ramen? Curry bread? Onigiri?"

You're not really hungry, but you know that Taichi always is. It's one of the side-effects of being such an avid soccer player, you suppose, but it's usually a good thing. You can always trust Taichi to eat whatever left-overs you have sitting uselessly in your fridge at home, and that's much better than having to throw out otherwise perfectly good food…

"Popcorn." You reply, nudging Taichi with your elbow. When he doesn't take the hint and instead pulls you closer, you cross your arms over your chest and look away to hide the heat in your face. "And cola."

"Are you feeling better then?"

It's difficult to not sigh, to hold back your customary half-hearted reassurances.

Taichi doesn't seem to be bothered that you were irritated with him just five minutes ago, doesn't even seem upset that you haven't apologized yet.

“Which movie are we seeing?”

You know the one that Taichi wants to see: some heart-warming, patriotic flick about how soccer has changed the nation and the world for the better. It's not really your style, but you know that Hikari will never go with him to watch it. Taichi's your best friend, and he's done a lot for you over the years, so of course you volunteer to see it because that's what best friends _do_.

When you get to the theater, the attendant manning the ticket counter tells you that the soccer movie has been sold out for the next two showings. A part of you is happy when Taichi purchases two tickets for the noir-style mystery film that you've secretly been dying to see, but you try not to show it. You're even happier after Taichi purchases a large popcorn and large cola and hands them over to you under the condition that you let him have a few handfuls of popcorn.

It's turning out to be a great day after all.

The attendant takes your tickets and directs you to the proper theater, and you're practically bouncing because you just can't wait to see if the movie will live up to its previews.

"Oniichan?"

Takeru is standing in front of you, waiting across the hall from the women's restrooms. He smiles and waves and you smile back because your hands are full and you don't want to risk spilling either your drink or your snack.

"Movie night for everyone, huh?" Taichi asks with a grin. "Is Hikari…?"

Takeru's smile falters, and you wonder if you're going to be forced to meet one of his other female friends that Takeru would tell you he isn't dating.

Which name will you finally have a face for, you wonder?

"Well, I -"

The restroom door opens, and your heart drops when your mom steps through it. She's smiling brightly until she recognizes you.

Not such a great day after all.

"We, uh, better get to our seats. Movie's about to start." Taichi murmurs, and he's tugging gently on your arm. "It was good seeing you, Takaishi-san. You too, Takeru."

You're shaking by the time you get to your seats, and Taichi is trying to distract you by making rude comments about some of the younger punks sitting a few rows down as they play on their cell phones. Eventually you calm down enough to enjoy your first handful of popcorn, and Taichi snatches a handful for himself.

When the movie starts, you can barely focus on the screen.

What movie are they watching? They never said, and you never asked.

Should it matter? Why should you even care? Takeru lives with your mom - it's only natural that they do things together.

It's no different for you and your dad, right? When your dad isn't working himself to death…

"You okay?" Taichi whispers.

You nod, but it's more to convince yourself than Taichi. You force yourself to eat popcorn piece-by-piece, and it helps distract you from the thoughts running in your head.

The plot unfolding on the screen is predictable, but well-made. The production crew really outdid themselves, you think, and the soundtrack is nothing short of amazing: classic jazz overlaid with hints of modern lyrics and arrangements that you'd never even imagined before. Much better than the cheesy dialogue and the cliched romance scenes that your dad would love to mock.

It might be worth getting on DVD as a gift for your dad, you think. Something for him to enjoy on the few days when he comes home, that will sit in the box on the floor with all the John Wayne DVDs that have been untouched for months…

"Will your dad be upset that you saw that with me and not him?" Taichi asks when the movie is over and you're walking out into the hall.

"He's too busy to go to the movies these days." You reply.

There are days when the only signs that your dad's been home at all are the extra dishes sitting dirty in the sink and the quickly scribbled notes posted to the bathroom door. Your dad doesn't even remember to take his clean work shirts with him most of the time: you have to drop them off at the station after school or over the weekend.

"Oh?" Taichi sounds curious, but before you can tell him what your dad's latest project is, Takeru is in front of you.

"Mom wants to know if you want to grab something to eat." It's earnest, the way that Takeru says it, and you can tell from the look in his eyes that he wants you to say 'okay.'

The way that your mom is standing several feet away, half-turned towards the door, tells you that she doesn't want you to agree.

You're torn between them: do you make Takeru happy, or your mom? You can't please them both…

"I…" You look to Taichi for help because you don't know what to do, and you trust him to make the best decision.

"Sounds fun!" Taichi says with a giant grin.

No it doesn't! You want to protest, but Takeru grabs your wrist first and drags you towards your mom.

"Shall we go then?" Your mom is smiling faintly, fingers clutching the strap of her purse so nervously that her knuckles are turning white.

At least you won't be the only one that feels uncomfortable. That counts for something, right?

"Where are we eating?" Takeru asks as the four of you exit out onto the street. "There's that new bistro across the street, or… what was that barbecue place you wanted to try, oniichan?"

"The bistro sounds nice, doesn't it, Takeru?" Your mother asks. "It's closer, too. You can go to the barbecue place next time, right?"

Takeru nods, and you look away because if you don't, you might say something that will start a fight.

You don't want to do that to Takeru or Taichi, don't want to take away the cheerful expressions on their faces…

The bistro is mostly empty when you walk in: it's not a good sign for a Friday night in one of the most popular districts in the city. The waitress looks intimidated when she sees you, not that you're surprised. It's a common reaction when you and Takeru go just about anywhere the first time: the staffers typically think you must be foreigners.

They usually try to talk to you in English, which is fine when Takeru is with you because he speaks it more fluently than you do.

It's why you try to avoid going to restaurants by yourself, because it's exhausting trying to explain over and over again that you speak Japanese perfectly fine, thank you very much for your consideration.

Before the waitress can try to utilize her English-speaking abilities, Taichi steps forward and very naturally requests a table for four. There's a sigh of relief from the waitress as she politely walks you over to a booth and explains the day's specials. Taichi orders a panini, Takeru and your mother order turkey club sandwiches, but you aren't even all that hungry.

"I'll just have a strawberry lemonade, please." You say politely.

"Oniichan…" Takeru looks at you like you've kicked him, and you can tell that your mother is scandalized by the disapproving look that the waitress is giving you.

"You can get what you want, Yamato." Your mother says clearly. "It's my treat."

"I just ate a whole bunch of popcorn. I'm really not that hungry."

Even if you were hungry, the knot in your stomach would make eating practically impossible anyway.

The waitress shrugs her shoulders and leaves to put in the order.

Taichi leans in to nudge you with his elbow. "You wanna split mine with me?"

The offer is nice, but you shake your head. "Thanks, though."

Awkward silence. Your mother is staring at you expectantly, but you don't know what it is you're meant to say.

Thank you? I'm sorry?

"Have you been keeping out of trouble lately?" Your mother asks. "You haven't been fighting, have you?"

You feel like you're seven years old, and if Taichi wasn't sitting on the outside of the booth, you'd leave the bistro right now and never look back.

You're not always getting into trouble, you want to say, and it's not like you go around looking for fights.

It just… sort of happens that way.

Taichi is staring at you, you can feel the weight of his gaze on you as you stare down at the table-top, wishing that you could just disappear in a puff of smoke.

"Yamato's too busy with the band to get into trouble, Takaishi-san." Taichi chimes.

"Is that so?" Your mother smiles at Taichi, but when she turns her face to you again, it's unreadable. "Is it still the Teenage Wolves?"

Takeru's smile falters, and even though you didn't think it was possible, you feel even worse.

"It's Knife of Day." Again, Taichi is answering for you.

If you'd listened to your instincts in the first place, he wouldn't have to.

"They're really good, mom." Takeru adds. "You should hear -"

"What happens if music doesn't work out for you?" Your mother cuts through Takeru's comments like a hot knife through butter. "Have you given that any thought at all?"

There's no guarantee of success in music, it's a waste of your time and intellect. You could be so much more if your dad would just push you to make better decisions…

These are just a few of the things you overheard your mother saying to your dad three years ago when you first joined the band.

"Mom…" Takeru sounds distressed, and you can't look at him because he'll see how much you don't want to be here, and then he'll feel even guiltier than he already does.

"Food's here!" Taichi announces.

You let out a sigh of relief as the waitress arrives at the table. She passes you your lemonade and you take a long swig of it just for the excuse of cringing from the sour taste and not the company you've been forced to keep.

"Can I get you anything else?" The waitress asks politely.

"NO!" Taichi and Takeru both shout the word simultaneously, like they finally realize that this was a terrible idea.

The waitress looks startled, and both Taichi and Takeru are apologizing for being so loud.

"I forgot that they're airing a new episode of my show in an hour!" Takeru says quickly. "I don't want to miss it…"

"That doesn't give us much time, then, does it?" Your mother says. "Eat up, then."

You've never been so happy to leave a restaurant in your life. You and Taichi thank your mother politely for your drinks and meal, and you wave half-heartedly as she walks down the street with Takeru. When they've disappeared from sight, you shove your hands in the pockets of your trousers and tilt your head back to look up at the darkening sky. A part of you wants to see the digital world gleaming between the clouds high above your head, but that won't happen ever again, will it?

"The movie was nice." You say after a moment. "Thanks."

"You're not seriously thinking that I'd let you go home like this, right?" Taichi asks you with a serious look on his face. "Because that's not gonna happen."

"Taichi…"

"You're spending the night at my place."

Taichi's hand is on your wrist, and he's pulling you along with him as he heads in the direction of his apartment complex.

You should pull away, remind Taichi that you're practically an adult, that you can handle being belittled by your mom for a few minutes if it means Takeru is happy. You're not sure why you can't bring yourself to do it, or why your lips turn upward in a small smile as Taichi leads you down the street and up the stairs to his apartment.

"This really isn't necessary…" You murmur when Taichi unlocks the door and pulls you inside.

"No one's home? That's weird…" Taichi says to himself as he flicks on the overhead lights.

According to the family calendar on the wall to your right, Taichi's father has an after-work dinner, and his mom and Hikari are helping Taichi's grandmother with cleaning.

"What's so weird about it? It's written right here." You point to the calendar casually, and Taichi walks over like he's never seen it before.

"Huh. Whaddaya know." He grins at you then points to the kitchen. "Thirsty?"

It's what Taichi always asks you before the two of you raid his dad's beer, and after the day you've had, you eagerly nod your head.

The next thing you know, you're in Taichi's room, laying on your stomach on his bed while Taichi sits on the floor. You're both a little buzzed from the beer as you play Call of Duty, and Taichi's shouting at you to hurry up and support his character on the screen before you both die and lose the campaign.

Support. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do for their child? Be supportive?

It's a funny thought to be having while you're supposed to be shooting at the insurgents on the screen, but it crosses your mind anyway. Your hands falter, the controller slips from your sweaty fingers and Taichi turns his head to look at you.

"Yamato?"

There's a giant flash of red: GAME OVER.

"Yama?"

Taichi tosses his controller across the floor, and he's on his knees in front of you, wiping away the tears that you didn't even realize were falling down your cheeks.

I'm fine. I'm just a little tipsy, a little tired… These are things you should say, but can't.

You think you're ready to tell Taichi your story, that you're just drunk enough to trust your best friend with the memories that still make your insides shiver. Things that Takeru doesn't know, doesn't remember.


	2. There's Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know something's wrong when Yamato's character slows to a halt, a gun suspended in mid-air on the lower right-hand side of the TV screen. It doesn't quite register in your head, though, and you shout at him for backup because there's a sniper threatening to take you out and his character is in a better position to take out the enemy.
> 
> There's a soft hitch of breath in your right ear, and then the clatter of plastic tumbling to the floor when Yamato drops the controller. The sound of shots ringing in the air as you turn your head…

You know something's wrong when Yamato's character slows to a halt, a gun suspended in mid-air on the lower right-hand side of the TV screen. It doesn't quite register in your head, though, and you shout at him for backup because there's a sniper threatening to take you out and his character is in a better position to take out the enemy.

There's a soft hitch of breath in your right ear, and then the clatter of plastic tumbling to the floor when Yamato drops the controller. The sound of shots ringing in the air as you turn your head…

Yamato's face is ghostly pale, and there are tears streaming from his eyes.

"Yamato?"

He's in shock, you think. A delayed reaction that let Yamato keep a semblance of composure during the dinner with Takeru and his mom.

Instinct kicks in, and you toss your controller aside so that you can try to get Yamato to breathe, because his face is too pale, and he looks like he did when you met him in front of the language arts building.

Like he's going to pass out.

"Yama?" You brush away the tears on his cheeks with your thumbs, wait with bated breath as Yamato's eyes focus on you.

That's it, you want to say, just breathe.

Eventually, Yamato takes a deep, shuddery breath and pulls away from you to sit back on his heels. There's an obvious exhaustion in the set of his shoulders, but a sudden fiery determination in his eyes. He opens his mouth as if to speak, and then…

"Tadaima~!"

What time is it that your dad is home already? The clock on your nightstand reads eleven-thirty, and you wonder where the time went.

Then you remember the empty beer cans sitting on the floor by your knees, and although you're reasonably certain that your dad knows where his beers occasionally disappear to, you don't really want to test that theory. Not when you could be wrong, not when it could mean your dad sending Yamato home…

You jump to your feet and kick the cans quickly beneath your bunk, then run for your door just as your dad pushes it slowly open.

"Do you have a friend over, Taichi~?" Your dad asks cheerfully. His face is red, and he smells strongly of beer and cigarette smoke, and you know that Yamato never has to deal with stuff like this. "Oh! Yamato-ku~n!"

Yamato bows his head respectfully, and your dad gives you a sudden bear hug.

"My son has such nice frie~nds! I'm so proud of you, Taichi~!"

If you don't get your dad to bed soon, he's going to turn from a cheerful drunk into a crying one. One that wails about how quickly his children are growing and how sad he'll be when you and Hikari move out and start your own families…

You really don't want Yamato to see that.

"I'm proud of you, too, dad. Let's get you to bed, okay? It's almost past curfew…" You have to bodily move your dad out of the doorway and into the living room, and he praises you for being so obedient as you lead him into the room that your parents share.

It's easy enough to tumble your dad onto the bed, and he loosens his tie clumsily as you lift his legs onto the mattress. He reaches up and pulls you down to kiss your cheek, then mumbles something about being careful.

You don't know what he's talking about, but you agree and throw the duvet over him before tip-toeing out of your parent's room and back into yours.

Yamato is standing in the middle of the room, looking uncertain in his school uniform as he fiddles with the tie hanging loosely around his neck.

"Can I… borrow something to sleep in?"

You apologize and rummage through your dresser drawers for a T-shirt and drawstring pants for Yamato to wear. There's a momentary pause when he takes the clothes from you, then he slips out to change in the bathroom.

While Yamato is in the bathroom, you turn off the playstation and the TV. The controllers are tossed back into the bin beneath the TV before you change your own clothes, and by the time you finish pulling your shirt over your head, Yamato is back. He puts his folded clothes on top of your desk so that they're out of the way.

"I guess mom and Hikari are gonna be really late tonight." You murmur. "Did you wanna get some sleep?"

Yamato nods and pads barefooted to your bunk. He slips beneath the duvet and scoots towards the wall, leaving you a wide berth to lay down beside him.

You turn off the overhead light and walk towards your bunk, feeling with your hands in the dark so that you can slide beneath the duvet beside Yamato. Fabric rustles as you try to get comfortable, and you sigh softly when you've found a nice position on your back with one hand tucked beneath the edge of your pillow.

Yamato's breathing is soft and even to your left, and you're certain that he's already asleep. You whisper a cursory 'good night' and close your eyes.

Some time later, the door to your room opens and the overhead light is switched on. You let out a string of curses because you'd been sleeping comfortably, despite the weight of Yamato's arm draped over your chest and the tickle of his breath against the side of your neck.

Hikari mumbles a quiet apology and grabs her night clothes, then scurries over to turn off the light.

You crane your neck slightly to look at the clock: it's two o'clock in the morning.

"Why're you home so late?" You whisper.

"We were putting pictures in albums and everyone was getting all sentimental." Hikari replies as she climbs up into her bunk. You hear fabric rustling as she pulls off her day clothes and drops them over the edge of the bunk. "You know how she gets this close to grandpa's memorial day."

It's not just your grandma who misses your grandpa at this time of year, but Hikari knows that as well as you do. Your mom gets more emotional, too, and it makes being at home unbearable at times because you never know what commercial or TV drama will set her off.

All the more reason to focus on soccer while you have it as an excuse.

"Why is Yamato-san here?" Springs creak in the mattress above, and then your sister's shadow-cloaked head peers over the edge of her bunk. "Did something happen?"

"Later." Much later, you think, after Yamato leaves and you don't have to worry about wounding his pride in front of him. "Go to sleep."

Yamato mumbles something indecipherable against your neck, and you feel a sense of guilt that your conversation is probably disturbing his sleep.

"Okay…" Hikari's shadow disappears from over the edge of her bunk, and you hear her settle down on the mattress. "Good night, 'niichan."

“Sleep tight.”

You doubt that you'll get back to sleep easily, what with the way Yamato is wrapped around you like a human octopus. You try to gently push him away, to roll him towards the wall, but it just makes Yamato murmur and press closer to you. It'll make for an awkward moment or two in the morning, but there's not much else you can do about it if you're going to get any rest at all. A heavy sigh escapes your lips and you close your eyes.

Sunlight is streaming through the closed curtains above your desk, casting a golden glow throughout the room when you wake up.

You yawn and stretch carefully because Yamato is still curled against your side, his head pillowed on your left arm which feels numb from loss of blood circulation. You turn your head to look at the clock and bite back a startled yelp when you notice Hikari standing by your bed, staring at you with no small amount of amusement in her eyes.

“Good morning!” She says in an obnoxiously cheerful voice. “Mom says breakfast is almost ready!”

Before you can respond, Hikari's phone is held between you. There's a flash and you hear the familiar click of the app as Hikari snaps a picture of you and Yamato laying in your bed, and then your sister is running out of the room.

"H-hey!" You shout at your sister and try to get up to give chase, but Yamato makes a whining noise against your neck that makes you feel guilty for trying to move.

You have to wake Yamato up, though, because your mom will kill you if she has to warm up breakfast for the two of you later. She won't make a secret of it, either, and you don't know how well Yamato will handle something like that right now. Of course, Yamato might kill you for waking him up, so you're probably dead either way. Hikari, too, once Yamato finds out that Hikari has a picture of him sleeping on you.

A picture that she's probably sending to Takeru right now.

"Yamato…" You say his name as firmly as you dare while you try to gently shake him awake. When that doesn't work, you raise your voice slightly. "Wake up, Yamato…"

There's a huff of breath against your neck, then an irritated moan as Yamato starts to stretch, pressing his whole body against your left side in a very feline fashion. You swallow thickly as a satisfied noise escapes Yamato's mouth and brings with it a slew of inappropriate thoughts to your mind.

It's the last thing you need to be thinking about, because you don't have time or the privacy to take care of such problems before breakfast.

Not with so many people home, anyway.

"C'mon, Yama." You're getting louder now, but you're also getting desperate. "We're gonna miss breakfast!"

"Huh?" There's a flutter of eyelashes against your skin as Yamato opens his eyes. "Where…?"

Before you can warn him, Yamato pushes himself upright as if to sit and misjudges the height of Hikari's bunk. There's a loud thud as his head hits the bottom board and you wince in sympathy.

"That had to hurt." You murmur as you throw off the duvet and swing your legs over the edge of your bed. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah." Yamato mumbles as he glares petulantly up at the bottom of Hikari's bunk. There's a momentary pause as Yamato touches his head with cautious fingers, followed by a quick intake of air and a flinch. "I don't think it's bleeding. Just sore."

"Oniichan! Breakfast is ready!" Hikari is peeking through the doorway, smiling brightly. While Yamato is crawling cautiously towards the edge of the bed, she mouths silently at you: _I'm gonna send it to Mimi-san!_

You raise a clenched fist in threatening response, and Hikari sticks her tongue out at you before disappearing from the doorway.

Yamato is _so_ lucky not to have a little sister.

Sure, Hikari was a cute baby, and maybe even a semi-decent kid when she was eight.

Now she's a sly, photo-taking, black-mailing ninja with an angel's face.

"Is something wrong?" Yamato asks as he slowly stands beside you.

"Huh?" There's a long, pale finger pointing at your raised fist and you can't help but laugh nervously. "Uh, no. Why would something be wrong?"

Before Yamato can make one of his trade-mark, smart-ass remarks, you put your hands on his shoulders and propel him towards the kitchen where the table has already been set for five.

Your parents are sitting in their usual chairs on one side of the table, but your dad seems to be feeling the effects of his hang-over acutely, given the hunch of his shoulders and the way he cringes when your mom greets you.

"Good morning, Taichi! Yamato, good morning!"

"Good morning." Yamato greets your mom meekly with a bow.

Hikari waves cheerfully before taking the fifth seat at the table instead of her usual spot across from your mom.

What's she up to…?

"Sit across from me, Yamato-kun." Your mother says, indicating the chair that Hikari typically occupies with her hand. "It's been so long since I last saw you! You've gotten more handsome, I think!"

There's a blush spreading across Yamato's cheeks, and your mom squeals with delight. She waits until Yamato's taken his first bite of tofu-as-omerice, then turns her sights on you.

"So many times I've told you to invite Yamato-kun over, and you wait for the one night that I'm not home!"

"It's not like it happened that way on purpose." You argue defensively, your chopsticks poised over your rice.

It was a happy coincidence, but you can't say that. Not to your mom, unless you want a lecture, which you don't.

"Didn't it?" Hikari is grinning like a cheshire cat, reminding you that she has incriminating evidence that she's already threatened to go public with.

Like you could forget.

"Hey, if you'd been there last night…" You pause mid-sentence because Yamato is sitting to your right, and if you bring it up now, it'll probably upset him.

The devilish look on Hikari's face fades to a concerned one, and she looks past you to Yamato.

"It was just a good night, is all!" You announce louder than necessary, much to your dad's chagrin. "I mean, it was Friday, I didn't have practice, Yamato didn't have practice…"

Does your mom believe you? Maybe, you think, but she's so focused on Yamato that you could probably tell her that you're running for Prime Minister and it wouldn't even phase her.

"What do you think? Is it okay?"

Yamato nods and takes a sip of water before answering, "It could use a little more seasoning, but the flavor's there."

Liar! You nudge Yamato with your foot under the table, and he shrugs at you nonchalantly.

It's because he doesn't eat tofu-versions of everything every morning and almost every night. If anything, you should invite him over more often just so he can get an idea of how awful it can be.

"It's good to know _somebody_ appreciates my cooking."

"We appreciate it, honey…" Your dad replies weakly before exchanging a look with you that clearly tells you how much he misses real eggs, real sausages and real pastries for breakfast.

"I think it's delicious, mama!" Hikari adds eagerly, but you notice that there's more than half of her omerice left, and she doesn't seem to be all that eager to finish it.

"Suck-up!" You hiss at Hikari.

"Mimi-san!" Hikari retorts.

She's got you cornered and she knows it. Damn!

"You really should come over more often, Yamato-kun." Your mother says, ignoring the rest of her family like the only two people at the table are her and Yamato. "These days everyone has practice or work or after-school academies and I get so lonely. You understand, don't you?"

"Mom!"

She's getting teary-eyed, you note with dread, and then she opens her mouth to say the worst thing possible.

"Your father should remarry so you won't have to be alone all the time."

There's a tense silence between your mom's tiny sobs, and then your dad tries to get her to leave the table while Yamato stares at her in shock. Even Hikari seems at a loss for what to do, her chopsticks falling from her limp fingers to land on the table.

"This… is why I don't invite people over." You murmur as you put a hand on Yamato's shoulder. "I totally understand if you wanna leave now."

Yamato blinks and puts his chopsticks down, then nods silently.

"Okay. Let's get dressed and I'll walk you home?"

You barely get the words out of your mouth before Yamato is out of his chair and making his way to your room to change his clothes.

“Oniichan…”

She feels bad for teasing you, you can see it in Hikari’s eyes as you make your way from the table to your room. You knock twice before opening the door, but Yamato’s already pulled on his uniform trousers. He finishes changing while you exchange your pajamas for your favorite pair of jeans and T-shirt, and then you walk him out into the living room.

“I’ll be back later!” You say loudly for your parents to hear. You don’t know where Hikari’s run off to, but she’s no longer in the kitchen.

Maybe she's helping your dad calm your mother down, or maybe she's answering nature’s call. You’ve got more important things to worry about.

You walk with Yamato in complete silence for one and a half blocks before he stops suddenly in his tracks. It catches you off-guard, and you expect that he’s going to tell you not to invite him to your house again.

"I was an accident."

Your eyes widen at Yamato's quiet confession because of all the things you've imagined about your best friend over the years, that's not something that's ever crossed your mind. Your own parents were married two years before you came along, and you've always assumed that your friends have similar backgrounds in that respect.

"They were in their first year of college, and it really screwed up my mom's degree. She had to take off two semesters because of me." Yamato continues softly. "So I can understand…"

Yamato starts walking again before you can even finish processing the information he’s just given you, small insights that shed a bit of light on this person that you thought you knew so well. It’s more than getting caught drinking underage, more than skipping school or pursuing a dream that his mother disapproves of.

Whatever the issues between Yamato and his mother are, they are deep rooted and watered with regrets. You still aren't sure why Yamato is willing to bear his mom’s overwhelming negativity. Is it for Takeru’s sake? Or is Yamato so starved for maternal affection that he’s willing to take even a farce of one over nothing?

Before you know it, you're standing in front of Yamato's apartment and he’s thanking you for inviting him over.

It's Yamato's way of dismissing you, but he needs you to stay whether he realizes it or not. You surprise him by pinning him against the wall by his door.

“I just don't get it.” You say, watching Yamato’s eyes widen with surprise as a blush creeps into his cheeks. “Why do you think your mom has the right to treat you like crap, just because of something she and your dad did in college? Takeru’s no better than you are, Yama. Just a bit younger, just a bit different is all.”

They share the same parents, for crying out loud! Sure, Takeru’s a bit sunnier, a bit more optimistic, but who can say that Yamato wouldn’t be the same way if he’d grown up even half as adored as Takeru?

“She doesn't…”

“The hell she doesn’t!” You shout, and Yamato flinches. “I was there, remember? Moms don’t do stuff like that to their kids!”

“Maybe not yours.” Yamato meekly replies.

Maybe he’s right, because you don’t know anyone else’s parents very well, if at all. What if Yamato's mom is more normal than your mother?

Does that make it right for her to treat Yamato like a step-son instead of her oldest?

“Why did they divorce?”

The question catches Yamato off-guard. “W-what?”

“Your dad wouldn’t have divorced her for no reason, not when he’s so busy. So why did he?”

You’re just guessing that it's Yamato's dad that initiated the divorce, but you’re only about eighty percent sure that your hunch is correct. When the color drains from Yamato's face, you know that you're right.

His mouth moves minutely, like Yamato's struggling to decide how to reply to your question. Then he makes a defeated noise, lowering his chin slightly as his gaze moves to the ground.

“She was punishing me…”

Punishing?

“I… don’t want to talk about it out here.” Yamato's voice is meek, and he’s grabbing almost desperately for the handle of the door behind him.

You’re surprised that Yamato's willing to talk about it at all, so you quietly retreat a half step to let Yamato punch in the door code and lead you into his apartment.

There’s a gentle thud as Yamato drops his school bag casually by the door, but he carefully removes his shoes and sets them aside. You toe your sneakers off and pad into the small living are, then make yourself comfortable in one of the two chairs at the tiny kitchen table.

Yamato doesn’t say a word as he puts water to boil and prepares a pot for tea. His finger taps nervously against the kitchen counter before the water is poured over the tea leaves in the pot. He doesn’t ask if you want any - Yamato brings the pot and two cups on a tray to the table and carefully sets it out like any good host would.

By the time he sits down across from you, Yamato is able to meet your eyes for a fleeting moment. Long fingers curl around the tea warmed porcelain of his tea cup, and he lets out a long, heavy sigh.

“It's more than what I’m about to tell you,” Yamato explains. “Takeru probably doesn't remember most of it.”

Unspoken but obvious in the way that Yamato’s eyes glance up at you so shyly?

Don't tell Takeru.

It means probably no telling Hikari, either, because your sister’s not very good at hiding what she’s thinking or feeling either. Whatever you’re about to hear is meant to stay between you and Yamato, period.

The silence is stretching between you, and you want to make it stop so you brace yourself to say something. Anything.

Then Yamato starts to speak.


	3. Ashes to Ashes

Where should you start, you wonder?

At the point when you first moved to Tokyo…?

Maybe when you had to switch schools the first time because of fighting…?

"I lived with my grandparents in Shimane until I was six." You eventually say, the words falling from your tongue slowly.

It's not where you want to start, but maybe if you start at the beginning, Taichi will better understand.

Your parents didn't raise you, not really, not at first. Oh, there were times when they took care of you when you were a baby. School breaks when your mother would dress you in clothes that her parents bought for you and your dad would play with you when he wasn't working his part-time job. Your parents were there when you started stringing sentences together and when you started trying to take your very first steps on your own.

But for nine months out of the year, your parents were in Tokyo. During those months, it was your grandparents that fed you and clothed you and took great pains to teach you French and Japanese. They were the ones who cared for you when you were sick, and the ones that played with you when you were bored. You remember - in a vague, hazy sort of way - the summer before you started kindergarten, when the three of you went camping on the local lake. That was when you learned how to fish and cook fish over a fire with a stick.

Skills that you used when you were stranded in the Digital world all those years ago.

"But, I thought…" Taichi stutters, his eyes wide with surprise.

You know what he's thinking, what he probably assumed when you first told Taichi that Takeru was your little brother and that your parents were divorced. It's only natural to think that siblings grow up together in the same household, that they've endured the same or similar upbringings.

But that's not how it happened for you. You were an inconvenient surprise for your parents, and Takeru… Takeru was the one your parents were ready for.

"I was supposed to move to Tokyo after my mom graduated, but then they found out she was pregnant…"

It feels like a lame excuse, because you know Taichi's mom managed to raise two children almost entirely on her own. But maybe your parents were worried back then, because you'd barely known either of them except for the occasional weekend visits after your dad graduated and got his first job at Nippon TV station. Maybe they'd been afraid that you wouldn't listen to your mom, or that you'd lash out and do something to jeopardize the pregnancy.

Something that they didn't want you to be responsible for.

Or… maybe it'd just been more convenient to leave you in Shimane while they adjusted to raising a child full-time. One adjustment at a time, something like that…?

"I'd been in kindergarten for almost two months when dad came to get me."

It was mid-May, wasn't it? You remember sitting on a swing when the teacher called your name across the playground, then looking up to see your dad standing next to her. There'd been a smile on his face, and he'd been holding your school bag, but you remember thinking that something must have happened to one of your grandparents because your dad was supposed to be in Tokyo…

You never imagined that your dad was going to take you to the train station, or that you wouldn’t see your grandparents again for almost two years.

The teacup is warm against your fingers, and you lift it to your lips to take a soothing sip. “Surprised?”

Taichi leans back in his chair and nods silently.

You smile bitterly because it feels good to tell someone about your past, but it brings up memories that you wish you didn’t have.

At least it's Taichi, you think. Of all the people you’ve thought about confessing to, Taichi is the one you think will sympathize with you, not pity you.

“That had to be difficult.” Taichi murmurs softly.

“I’d just started to make friends at school.” And that hadn’t been an easy feat to accomplish, you want to add, because the other kids in your class were terrified of your pale eyes and light hair. They’d called you names like 'ghost' and 'demon' and they’d run away from you even when the teacher told them to behave. In the end, it'd been a boy named Min that approached you first, about three weeks into that school year. His father was Korean, and his family had just moved from Seoul… "But I had to start all over when dad brought me to Tokyo."

In Tokyo, it was much, much more difficult. Not because of your European features, but because the first school that your parents enrolled you in was a very exclusive private school. It was your country accent that made you stick out like a sore thumb there, and the not-quite-fashionable, off-brand clothes didn't make matters any better.

"Takeru was… three, I think, when I first saw him face-to-face."

And hadn't that been a punch to the gut? To see your baby brother giggling happily while your mother played with him on the floor of the living room… When your mother finally looked up at you that first time, she'd asked Takeru who you were, and he'd run at you full steam, shouting 'nii-cha' over and over.

Looking back, you think that it might have been a cute moment for your parents. But for you?

You'd been upset and nervous and you hadn't liked it at all when Takeru wrapped his arms around your waist and tried to plant a sloppy kiss on your cheek. Of course you'd pushed Takeru away, and he'd lost his balance and fallen on his backside. Takeru had cried, your mother had shouted and even though your dad tried to mediate the situation, you'd ended up getting sent to your new room without lunch…

"When did they get divorced?" Taichi wonders out loud. "Two… three years later?"

"About a year." You say out loud, though you remember it feeling like decades. "Not long after the Heighten View Terrace incident."

Of course, that incident had been a different sort of traumatizing for you. You remember seeing Greymon and Parrotmon fighting, and you remember thinking that you couldn't say a word about it to anyone, because you knew that your mother would never believe you.

Unfortunately, Takeru also saw the battle, and he couldn't keep it to himself.

What was it that your mother had said to you back then? You don't remember the exact phrasing, but it was something that implied you had an overactive imagination and a tendency to lie. It'd been unnecessarily hurtful, and you'd spent the rest of the evening sitting on the floor in the corner of the living room with your arms held above your head while Takeru watched cartoons on the TV…

"It was maybe a month or two later…? There was a new transfer student at my elementary school, and she was convinced that my hair had to be dyed. I remember her shoving me against a locker and yanking my hair, and then… I guess I hit her pretty hard, because I broke her nose."

It'd been a pretty gruesome break, too, because you'd both been covered in blood afterward. You remember her parents apologizing profusely to your mother, but the school had a very strict policy about fighting, and both you and the girl were expelled.

"It was the second school I was expelled from."

Your mother had been furious, too, but in her defense, she _had_ convinced your dad to move to Hikarigaoka and rent an apartment just so that you could go to _that_ school. You can still feel her hand crushing yours in its grip as your mother dragged you from the principal's office, still hear the gravelly note of anger in her voice as she described all of the ways you were lacking as a son and as Takeru's brother…

"She used to send me to my room without a meal. You know, lunch if I misbehaved in the morning, or dinner if I misbehaved in the afternoon. There were a few times when I made her mad enough that I had to sit in a corner with my arms above my head. But that day…"

You didn't even know that your mother had a bamboo switch in the apartment. You don't remember ever seeing it before that day, so maybe she got it specifically after the school called to tell her that you were being expelled…

"She was desperate to teach me a lesson, I guess. Wanted to make it stick so it wouldn't happen again."

She succeeded in a way, you muse bitterly, because you were never expelled again after that day…

Not that it stopped you from fighting completely. Taichi knows from experience - he's seen how hot-headed you can be.

There's a look on Taichi's face that you can't quite interpret. Curiosity and uncertainty mixed with… fear? Almost like he's afraid of what you're going to say.

Maybe he is.

"She made me stand in the middle of the living room, just a few feet in front of Takeru. I'd never seen her so mad before, so when she told me to roll up my pant legs… well, I didn't think twice about it."

You remember your hands shaking as you rolled the fabric up, and Takeru asking you why mama was mad. Whatever lie you might have told him was lost when bamboo sliced through the air, the unfamiliar whistle of it your only warning before it cracked against the exposed skin of your calves.

There hadn't been tears with that first blow, though you think you cried out.

You can still remember hearing your mother's firm command for Takeru to stay where he was, and then there were more blows. Was it the third or the fourth that made you cry? You're not entirely sure, but by the sixth, Takeru was begging your mother to stop.

When that hadn't worked, Takeru had gotten mad at you.

"I… when she hit me… it didn't really register, not really, you know? It was just another form of punishment, I guess, something new to adjust to." Your voice is hoarse, and you're staring at the table top because you can't bear to see disappointment or disgust on Taichi's face. "But when Takeru…"

'Mama wouldn't be mad if you were good. You're bad!'

That… that moment had destroyed you. There'd been no end to the tears, and you'd sobbed so hard that you were sure you'd pass out. Takeru had started crying at some point, too, and then the front door had opened unexpectedly…

"I guess… dad came home early? He was…"

Upset? Angry?

“… and I…”

You remember the clatter of the bamboo rod falling to the floor, hearing loud voices arguing over each other as you stood frozen, staring down at Takeru while he cried.

Thoughts swirled in your head back then, things that your mother had said a thousand times oh-so-casually.

'You don't have to be our son.'

'We can take you off the family register.'

'There's an orphanage outside of the city that has a bed with your name on it if you're not happy here.'

Things that had hurt each time you'd heard them, but that became a thousand times worse in the tension of that moment when your parents were fighting and Takeru was crying and it was all… all your fault.

It's happening, you realize distantly, your vision darkening as your throat and chest begin to tighten. You're not taking deep enough breaths and you know it, but you can't seem to calm yourself down in order to suck in more air. Your hands are shaking so badly that you knock your tea cup over when you try to set it on the table, and there's tea all over the table.

You should clean it up, and your body instinctively moves to stand. There's the sound of the chair scraping the floor, Taichi's voice calling your name, a crash and then… you're on the floor, and your arm hurts where it must have scraped the corner of the table.

"Stood up… too fast." You murmur as Taichi is kneeling in front of you.

"You've got to be the most accident-prone person I know." Taichi jokes lightly, but you hear the concern in the way his voice shakes. "You're not bleeding, are you?"

You shake your head and let Taichi help you up, though you protest when he all but forces you to sit back in your chair.

"I'll clean it up. I'm not the one who probably got a concussion from whacking his head on Hikari's bunk this morning."

When Taichi puts it like that… there's no arguing with him, is there?

You watch as Taichi grabs the towel hanging neatly over the handle of the oven door and uses it to mop up the spilt tea on the table. He tosses the damp towel in the sink before returning to sit beside you.

“So… your dad came home.” Taichi gently probes you for more information.

“It wasn’t that she was hitting me, or at least… I don’t think it was that. I mean, dad never hit me, but he also told me he wouldn’t hesitate to give me a spanking if he thought I earned one.” You swallow thickly around the lump in your throat. “I think it was hearing what she said to me that set him off.”

“What'd she say to you?”

"Things like, 'your father should have left you where you were.' And 'it was easier before you came.' Or 'I could have terminated you.'"

The look on Taichi’s face is one of complete rage. “She said all that?!”

She'd actually said a lot more than that, but you keep it to yourself.

Some things are just better left unsaid.

“And you ‘understand’ her?!”

"You don't understand, Taichi. My mom's parents were incredibly disappointed with her when she got pregnant. It was her first semester of college, and she couldn't even finish it out completely because the morning sickness was so bad." You explain slowly. "I can understand if she felt pressured to make it seem like my being born was worth her inconvenience and her father's disapproval."

"Yamato…" Taichi looks like he wants to tell you that you're wrong, that your mother isn't someone to be understood, but he doesn't say it. Instead, Taichi shakes his head slowly before his eyes meet yours. “Your dad was fine just leaving Takeru with her?”

“Why wouldn’t he? She never said or did anything like that to Takeru.” You reply with a small shrug. “ _I_ was the problem.”

You could tell Taichi about the divorce proceedings, about your mother fighting to get full custody of you. There’d been lawyers and a judge and you didn’t want to testify against your mother in a room with Takeru watching because he might be afraid of her if you did. In the end, you’d told one of the family court representatives that you didn't want to live with your mom, that you wanted to live with your dad, and they’d taken care of the rest.

Your mother still resents you for that. It would’ve been better to testify, to remind her that she’d left emotional scars that still haven’t healed ten years after the fact. But it would’ve damaged her relationship with Takeru, and maybe the court would’ve given your dad full custody of the both of you…

No, it’s better that it turned out this way. Better for Takeru, better for your parents, and maybe even better for you, though some days you’re not sure.

"You _weren't_ the problem." Taichi's voice is firm as he says it, and you know he's trying to be supportive so you smile half-heartedly at him.

To her you were, you want to argue, but it's one of those things that you and Taichi will probably never agree on.

"And… Takeru really doesn't know…?"

You hope he doesn't remember. There are things that Takeru said to you in the Digital World that would be much, much worse if he _had_ known…

Takeru can be careless, even reckless at times, but you don't like to think that your little brother is cruel. Not intentionally, not like your mother.

"He's asked dad about it a few times." You reply slowly. "He knows that there was a lot of fighting involved, and he knows it was something to do with me getting expelled, but… that's it."

There's a long silence, and you wonder if Taichi thinks that maybe you're wrong. Did Takeru say something to Taichi…?

You cautiously glance up at Taichi, and he's smiling back at you reassuringly. You've just given him a lot to think about, to mull over, and Taichi's mind is probably still reeling from it all…

There's a noise at the front door, beeping as the code is pressed into the lock. For a moment, you think maybe Takeru has dropped by for a surprise visit, but when you look up, it's your dad walking in.

"You're home early." You say stupidly, blinking in surprise as he kicks off his shoes and starts shedding his jacket and tie on his way to the bathroom.

"I was supposed to be home seven hours ago, but there was a breaking story and Uchida had to leave because his wife went into labor." Your dad mutters. "Nice to see you, Taichi."

"Good morning!" Taichi replies with a friendly wave and a grin. At least he waits until your dad is in the bathroom and the water is running before he stands up and stretches.

"Do you have to go?" You ask, looking to the clock. "It's almost eleven."

Taichi nods thoughtfully, his smile faltering.

"Yeah, I better get back or mom'll think I've disowned her…" Taichi says. "I'm _really_ sorry about… you know, what she said."

"She didn't mean anything by it."

Taichi's mom is just… the kind of person who says exactly what she's thinking without filtering it first. The exact opposite of your own mother, you think, which is reassuring in a lot of ways, but terrifying in others.

"Even so… some things just shouldn't be said." There's a heavy sigh, and then Taichi shakes his head. "Talk to you later?"

You nod and try to smile genuinely, but it must not quite reach your eyes because Taichi is hugging you.

"Thanks… for trusting me enough to tell me."

Thank you for listening.

You think the words inside your head, but you can't quite say them out loud. Your hands reach up to touch the arm that's wrapped around the front of your shoulders, and there are tears burning behind your eyes.

"Talk to you later?" Taichi asks when he pulls away.

You nod and look quickly away, because if Taichi sees that you're on the verge of crying he might not leave at all. That wouldn't be good for his relationship with his mother, and Hikari…

Hikari would probably hunt you both down, and as much as it shames you to admit it, you're terrified of Taichi's little sister. It's something about her ever-present smile that you find completely unnerving.

It's ironic, because that's what you find so reassuring about Taichi.

No one else could ever possibly smile at you after you've almost beat them to a pulp, right? Only Taichi.

Distantly, you're aware of Taichi announcing that he's leaving. The door opens and falls shut behind him, and you're left in the kitchen listening as your dad sings in the shower…

You shake your head to clear it of the thoughts that are flitting unhelpfully through it, and carefully make your way to the kitchen to start preparing lunch for two.


End file.
